Thursday, September 8, 2011

Prepubescent Election Blues....

Well fuck.  It's that time again.  We gotta line up the crazies and size em up for 18 full months and figure out who is not even remotely qualified to "run" this country.  Let's dump a shitload of money into their campaign funds so they can all run smear ads on each other.  All of the potential candidates really don't give two shits about the American folks.  They are more concerned with the Popularity contest that they have entered, which, if elected, they get to be the poster boy or girl(c'mon Bachman/Palin, what a great ticket that could be. Get fucked.) for the Not-So-Free-Thinkers of American Society, which means the 68% of society that still believe that public elections have meaning.  I personally feel that our country would benefit greater if we took all of the corporate and private campaign contributions, coupled with the tax dollar campaign funding that just seems to happen on its own accord, and we built a big Bob Seger Laser Light Show, of course with supplementary pyrotechnics. 

Elections don't really matter.  I'm not saying, "Don't vote,"  I'm just saying to vote for whoever you want.  Write in Raymond Carver, or Whinnie the Pooh.  Make your vote count for you.  Elections don't matter because whoever is elected eventually will succumb or concede to the fact that the role of President is a role of patsy, no matter what.  Face man for the complete and total fuck over of a nation.  There are no jobs.  There is no money.  We are at a loss.  What now?

I know!  Let's seriously spend what little money we have producing television commercials for some of the biggest pricks in the nation.  Here are my proposed campaign slogans...

"I fucked my secretary on my wife's death bed.  Please vote for me."

"I fathered a child with another woman while my wife went through chemotherapy.  Trust me with all of your Union and Labor needs."

"I sent a picture of my penis to the Pope.  There's your fine line between separation of church and state."

Sorry about that last one.  It was weak, but what do you expect?  We pay these politicians to fuck us over all of the time.

I propose that all of the potential candidates must compete an obstacle course, much like Wipeout!, and then of course be subjected to a close quarter living situation, much like big brother, then maybe they could be subjected to a beauty and talent competition.  These are, unfortunately, the qualities our country has decided are important.